Christian / heart talk / The Mapps Quest

Against the Grain

It has been 2.5 months since I have been doing photography full time.  As you may know, I left my job as a designer in an architectural firm to take a leap of faith into the unknown.  About a month in, I received a phone call from a previous client.

Them: “You interested in working with us on the projects we have coming up?”

Me: “You gonna pay me what you would have paid the architect?”

Them: “Yes.”

Me: “Give me the weekend to think about it.”

Monday I called them, and agreed.

Mistake #1 – not asking for God’s guidance and/or blessing.

Things were going well, and up until last week, I was feeling ok about all of this… although I had been feeling a bit separated from Him lately.  Thursday of last week I met with a friend, and told her how I had been feeling the need to tell my old boss that their client had asked me to work with them, independent of an architectural firm (that firm being my previous employer).

Mistake #2 – knowingly taking a client away from my previous employer.

She told me that if it was bothering me that I should go ahead and send a note to my previous boss, to get it off my chest.  Thursday afternoon I sent the email.

Mistake #3 – sending an email, when I should  have called from the very beginning of the whole thing.

A few hours later, I got a response to my email…and it wasn’t pretty.

Mistake #4 – responding out of dismay to the ugly email.

I was on pins and needles the rest of Thursday.  I realized that I needed to pray.  Friday morning I awoke to the sound my phone makes when I have a new email message.  It was from my old boss, and was much more foul than the first.  This time, instead of responding, I called the client for their reaction.  Long story short, the matter is being resolved, and I am no longer allowed to be in contact with my previous employer (attorney’s orders).

The most interesting thing about all of this, is that 2 weeks ago I randomly decided to sign up for the women’s bible studies on Tuesday nights.  The first one was last Tuesday, two days prior to me sending the email.  The study is focused around Psalm 51, where King David is crying out to God, to forgive him for lying, stealing, murdering, and not asking for God’s approval, or forgiveness.  While the lesson was being taught, I asked myself, ‘ok, what is my sin.. I’m not sinning.. that I know of…’

Be careful what you ask for.. or rather.. be grateful for what you ask for.  While doing my at home bible study, on Monday morning, that goes along with the group meetings, I was instructed by my homework to read a verse from Galatians.  Directly opposite the passage was this one:

Galatians 5: 19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

For 2 months I had been blind to the sin I had committed.  I knewingly took a client away from my boss, all for the pleasure of having extra cash.  The worst part was that I felt it… somewhere deep inside, my heart was telling me that something was wrong, and that it needed to come out, and get resolved.

Well, that is exactly what has happened.  The truth is out, and now I must face the consequences… not just to my boss, but to God.  Although this could turn into something no bueno for myself and my family, it is quite exciting to see God working in my life, and to realize that He is teaching me a lesson.  You probably think I am crazy for saying that, but I really am excited to see what happens.. on a spiritual level, to me.

The truth is, I want to be in God’s will, and if that means going against the grain (unknowingly), and then being taught a lesson by God to get right again, then so be it.  Better to have the hand of God in my life than live oblivious to the sin around and in me.  I willingly accept responsibility for my actions, and openly confess that I am wrong.

Psalm 51

 1 Have mercy on me, O God, 
   according to your unfailing love; 
according to your great compassion 
   blot out my transgressions. 
2 Wash away all my iniquity 
   and cleanse me from my sin.

 3 For I know my transgressions, 
   and my sin is always before me. 
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned 
   and done what is evil in your sight; 
so you are right in your verdict 
   and justified when you judge. 
5 Surely I was sinful at birth, 
   sinful from the time my mother conceived me. 
6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb; 
   you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

 7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; 
   wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. 
8 Let me hear joy and gladness; 
   let the bones you have crushed rejoice. 
9 Hide your face from my sins 
   and blot out all my iniquity.

 10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, 
   and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 
11 Do not cast me from your presence 
   or take your Holy Spirit from me. 
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation 
   and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

***

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3 thoughts on “Against the Grain

  1. I think someone should send this to your previous boss and any attorney involved. We all make mistakes, even them, but not all of us own up to our mistakes and openly admit them and readily take the consequences. It took a brave heart to write this and make your mistake public, but it was the right thing to do. May the Lord bring you peace and comfort and favor with people as a result of your obedience to Him. God bless you, Kristy.

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  2. Sorry I am having a hard time understanding why you felt the need to tell your former employers. Granted you may have had a good relationship with them while you were employed there but reading this my understanding is you are independent now so I see no reason for the guilty conscience.

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    • Hi Katy, sorry I am just now seeing this. Much has happened since this post was written, but in essence I felt the need to tell them because it was something I did without asking God. Because of that it has become a source of burden in my life even now, and I know that if I had trusted God to begin with when He told me to quit my job and not look back that something much more awesome would have come. I took that side job for the money, which made me guilty of stealing that money from my former employer. And just as Abram went to Egypt when God did not tell him to, God still used that time for good because He loved Abram. God has used the job for good, but He has also used it to show me that I was outside of His will. Thanks for posting 🙂

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