It seems like every time I get a lead on a photo job, or have an idea for a cool mini-session something happens to erase it. In the past week I have had 2 rain-outs, 2 leads gone somewhere else, and a string of slaps in the face when I try to do it my way. I know I am being tested. I know what I should be learning from this. I am defeated, and that is exactly what is supposed to be happening.
At my bible study last week, the speaker said some amazingly direct things to me (courtesy of the Lord). It was as if I was the only one in the room. The first one that struck me square on the head was this: “Wait for God’s timing before you step out and do something.” I know this. Or, at least I should know this. There is a reason why all my efforts fail.. it is just not time for them to succeed. Perhaps God wants to show me something before I become a household name in photography. Or perhaps He wants to have control over which jobs I should be doing.
If you have known me for any length of time, you will know that I am an ‘instant gratification’ type of person, that tends to try and find the best possible way to do something (or at least I think it’s the best.. no one can tell me it’s not). God understands my need for control, and wanting to see the outcome immediately… that is why I have been put on the waiting list of life. I am not mad about it.. in fact, I am excited that I am seeing God move in my life.. but it is hard to keep getting rejected, and it makes me want to give up.
Another point was, “Jesus never healed anyone before He looked at them.” To me this means that Jesus is looking at me, and studying my heart and responses before I can fully be taught how to handle this need to have it NOW. The biggest struggle is that I want to help others and do it for God’s glory.. but when I step out on a limb to do it my way, it is not the way God intends.
“Does God count us worthy to serve Him?” I’m afraid that at this moment in time the Lord is telling me that I am just not ready. There is so much for me to learn in the way of patience. It’s the lesson I have been stuck in for a while. “Until you learn what He is trying to teach you, He will not teach you anything else.” I have had my good days and bad days, and sometimes there seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel. It is the moment I stop trying that God sends something wonderful my way.
It was the same the day I was saved. I gave up on being happy, and in those few moments I inwardly asked for God’s help. Nothing has been the same since. There is a new peace inside me when things aren’t going as planned. Yes, I am on the verge of giving up.. but at the same time, I know that if I do give up.. God will step in and take over. This is what I must do.
“Pray, wait for God’s answer, and look for examples in scripture.” I’ve got the praying down… the waiting.. not so much. Yesterday, as I was thinking about writing this blog, I pondered on what scripture would best exemplify what I am going through. God loves to give me examples through others.. infact, I recieved some from my neighboors, their kids, and at the end of the day, my husband quoted a scripture passage that he was learning about on a radio program.
Matthew 4: 1 Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted[a] by the devil. 2 After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. 3 The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.”
4 Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’[b]”
5 Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. 6 “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written:
“‘He will command his angels concerning you,
and they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’[c]”
7 Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’[d]”
8 Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. 9 “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.”
10 Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’[e]”
11 Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.
In all things that we may go through, it is important to remember that Jesus has also been there, and done that. Just as I am tempted to go out and do things on my own, without waiting for God’s timing, so also, was Jesus. Satan tempted Him with all the nations of the world under His command. I am tempted daily to take the reigns. Jesus declines, and when God’s timing is right, He does get all the nations… but He gets them the right way. I choose to wait on God’s timing.. I just have to work on my meddling!!
The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.