Why is it that the past can so easily sneak up on you? I realized tonight that my small disdain for something I heard was not because of what was said, it was because of times past. I drove through my old neighborhood tonight. I cried when I past the house I grew up in. That is when I knew that the feelings I had at that moment were not about a conversation I had been part of, but of a lifetime of feeling empty.
I told my husband that our son has no idea how lucky he has it… then I told Seth that he had no idea how lucky he had it. I grew up in a big house, with nice cars, and everything I asked for. Seth grew up in a family of 9, constantly on the move, going wherever his dad’s job took him. They were always in a small house, sharing beds, and stretching meals.
But they had something my family didn’t. His family was more concerned about what each other needed, than themselves. I remember Seth telling me that one Christmas he got a pack of gum, and he was thrilled! I can hardly relate, as each Christmas, if there wasn’t a pile of presents as high as the tree, my sis and I began to complain.
They had real life. They had abundant life. Life that is only found in one place. “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10
I am so thankful that Seth was raised in that house. I know that God’s plans do not return void, and I am so incredibly thankful to have been part of His wonderful plan. God placed Seth in my life when I had hit my lowest. He was there to comfort me and show me a love that I had never felt.
Now it is Christ’s turn. I have never felt this kind of longing before to be with someone. I love my husband, and I love my son, but I need to be with Christ. I know that it is not time for me, and that all of this in my head is for a purpose. As I have said all my life, “Everything is for a reason”. God saw fit to save me. He gave me a son. He gave me a man that loves me… I don’t deserve this.
Thank you Lord for showing me that abundant life that has so long eluded me. Thank you for dying for me. Thank you for showing me how awesome you are through these seemingly erroneous times. I pray that you would give us the strength and perseverance to raise our son with selflessness.
6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
9 Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! 10 For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! 11 Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.