He has a plan and a purpose for everything.
The first few month’s with my husband were absolute bliss.. I can’t even recall what we were doing then, I just remember being so happy that it hurt. About half way thru our first year I found out that we were going to have my little E-man. Those were nail biting days.. and there was more than one time where I felt that I was not myself.
I want to pause here to reflect on who ‘myself’ was. Up until that point all my decisions were based around the best outcome for ME. I was living for my pleasure.. if I didn’t like my job I quit. If I didn’t like my friends I moved. It may sound silly to some, but I just really didn’t care about anything except being happy.. so I did whatever it took to be that way. Before I met my husband my life revolved around me. I came from a broken family, from being picked on in school.. and I never had more than one friend.
Finally I had a person in my life that loved me, for me.. but who was I? What was it that actually made me happy? This morning as I got E ready for school I was singing and being silly with him. That is one of our games we play.. you have to sing what you are doing in your best opera voice. It is something that my sister and I would do as kids.. and low and behold, God has blessed me with a child that loves the things I hold most dear from my childhood.
My son going off to kindergarten has brought some much needed clarity into my world. I have realized that he is growing up, and that he is already so independent. I have gained time to work on my photo projects, and to reflect on where I am going and who I want to be in this industry. I have also finally gotten that quiet time with the Lord that I have never experienced…daily time with no noise, where I can set everything aside and focus on Him. The past few days have been filled with thoughts about who I am now, and what makes me happy now.
I’ve had time to think about what it is that makes me, me. I see that I am silly, and that I love to laugh. I know I love being outdoors and soaking up God’s creation. I also know that I have been given a man that loves me.. though I still can’t figure out what exactly drew him to me… oh wait.. God did it! I mentioned earlier that everything has a plan and purpose.
Seth is someone that likes to play video games. He loves to read, and play guitar. He loves to stay home and just hang out… but I am the complete opposite. It is so crazy to me how different we are, and yet God saw fit that we be together. God placed this man in my life to teach me a few things about myself.. and how to give… especially when it comes to giving love.
So here we are, our child is growing and is officially a voting member of the household. We are entering the next phase in our lives.. where we can choose to either go our separate ways but still live under the same roof, or we can embrace the differences in each other and gain a love that surpasses understanding.
I choose to give.
Who I am now is a person in love. I am in love with my Savior. I get so excited about watching God work in my life that I literally want to stand up and do a happy dance. Because I love Christ, He is showing me how to love my family. I no longer live only for myself, trying to do everything possible to become happy. I know that there will be strugles, but that there is a greater love that places only what I can handle in my path. I have found hope in a God that promises freedom from endless journeys of self righteousness. I am a woman, placed on this earth for a man, so that together we could be united for Christ, for our son, for our families, for everyone we meet.
I have new life in Him. This is me.
What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? 2 By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? 3 Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4 We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.
5 For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his. 6 For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with,[a] that we should no longer be slaves to sin—7 because anyone who has died has been set free from sin.
8 Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. 9 For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. 10 The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God.
11 In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. 12 Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. 13 Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. 14 For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.