This week has been a convicting one.
I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance, and how you cannot bear with those who are evil, but have tested those who call themselves apostles and are not, and found them to be false. I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name’s sake, and you have not grown weary. But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lamp stand from its place, unless you repent. – Revelation 2:2-5
I’ve prayed and prayed about being closer to God over the past weeks, months, and years. I’ve prayed that I would never lose that excitement that I had when I first met Him. But as the years go on I find myself wondering why I feel so distant. I know that in reality nothing has changed on God’s behalf. He is still in control, still my savior, still guiding me and teaching me through His word…but my part has changed. Even though I still learn fun and exciting things about His character from time to time it’s nothing like it was in the beginning. I soaked up every last drop of knowledge He gave me those first couple years and loved every minute of it.
So when I wrote my last post about being ‘stuck’ that’s where I was…the same place I’ve been for a while. I haven’t written much. I haven’t read much. My heart still yearns for Him the way it did in the beginning but my hands and feet have started to fall asleep. It’s like He gave me this taste of the most delicious cake I have ever eaten and then put it under a glass lid just inches away…and now I have to take the lid off but I’m too lazy. And I want that cake SO bad. I want to understand just how much God loves me but I have to reach out and take His hand for me to feel it.
In the midst of my deciding weather or not to do something. He gives me glimpses of what a loving Father He truly is. This morning He reminded me that if needed, I would go through trials of different kinds so that I will be sanctified and made more into the image of Christ. Well, I’m pretty positive that the way I’ve been feeling is one of those trials, and when I read His words I couldn’t help but cry…but it was a joyous cry. It was a hug from my Father to read His words, and under my tears I smiled because I knew it was Him speaking to me, giving me exactly what I needed when I needed it, not just my friend telling me to read it.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls. – 1 Peter 1:3-9
There is so much in that passage that tells me my Father loves me. I could sit and unpack this for days, but for now it is sufficient to say that I know He loves me, and that He is helping me to get ‘un-stuck’, just by reading His words. Now I must get up from my seat and take a hold of what He’s placed before me. I must go back to my first love, and use the gifts He’s given for His glory.